Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
