Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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