Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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