Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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