____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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