i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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