I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I deserve to be covered in dicks
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
