My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
