nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
