I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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