I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
