I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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