I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
