How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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