My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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