Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
