shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
