wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
