I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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