She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
