Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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