good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
