he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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