I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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