I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
