im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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