i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
