He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
