party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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