and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize