I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
