I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
