A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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