Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
