i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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