I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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