God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
