he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
