I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
