that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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