You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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