I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
