Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
