Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize