a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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