I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This toilet bowl is my home.
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