our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
