Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
