Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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