dude i'm inner monologue high
what day is it and did you see me today?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
