I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sober January is a disaster.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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