How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
