You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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