Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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