Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
