Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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