do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
