Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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