So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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