Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
