Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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