Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
