im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
