Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
