By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
