i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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