I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
