Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
