i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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