Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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