Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
