so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you never un-have a 4some
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