Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
