well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
