i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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